July 28, 2004
Touch Your Neighbor
I'm throwing a party this Saturday night. I just decided, so I know this is kind of last minute for everyone, but I hope you will be able to make it. It will be a Cuddle party—everyone should show up in time for the Welcome Circle, with clean underarms, carrying a pillow and a stuffed animal, and wearing their flannel PJ's. After we welcome each other, we will dim the lights and arrange ourselves on the floor, sprawling or spooning as is one's inclination. There will be several hours of affectionate touching, napping, and rubbing. However, under no circumstances will there be any sexual gratification—this is a strictly innocent affair. All male invitees should chop their balls off and throw them in the dumpster before you come, because after this you really won't be needing them anymore.
Oh, and bring thirty dollars—the proceeds will be split among the Cuddle Lifeguards and the Cuddle Caddies. I swear to god I'm not making this up.
(Merci à Sale Bête)
HAHAHAHA Rule 7 NO DRY HUMPING!
Yeah, I don't remember where I saw this first, but whoever it was commented that any party where you have to explicitly proscribe dry humping suggests a lot of it goes on.
Wow. If this was a widespread phenomenon, it would be an occassion for reflection on various unfulfilled needs in our society. But as it is, it seems to be limited to a few wacky cases.
And yes, the "dry humping" rule is indeed serious. Perhaps they could think up something better such as "no sexualized contact" or some such, but then they are pro-erection, so I'm not sure how that works.