November 10, 2004
Noise Pollution
What do you do about unrepentantly noisy neighbors? The house I live in is divided into four units; someone recently moved in downstairs directly below me and enjoys playing her stereo rather loudly, day and night. While I don't mind, particularly in the day, I also don't want to be distracted when I'm trying to write or study by a continual, low rumble of bass. I have yet to meet my new neighbor even though I've knocked on her door several times. She never answers, either because she can't hear me or doesn't want to open the door. I would prefer to have a friendly relationship where I can just ask her to turn it down a notch so it isn't drilling into my skull, but it doesn't look like that will happen. I've talked to the landlord already, but right now she's playing her stereo too loudly again and again won't answer the door. What to do? Call the landlord again? Call the police? I don't want to be a jerk, but I also have work to do that requires concentration. Grrr... inconsiderate people....
If there are any rules regarding excessive noise at your building/complex, I would read up on them, and then write your neighbor a polite/threatening message.
There is both a city noise ordinance and a clause in the lease that prohibit it. I talked to my landlord since they wouldn't answer the door and he's going to talk to them tomorrow. Apparently, the girl who's renting the apparent has a couch-surfer that likes to play loud music.
I think you should drill a biscuit-sized hole in her apartment door, then stick your dick through it.
I don't know if it will help you with the noise problem, but it's worth a shot.
Well, she lives below me, so it would have to be in the floor.
An Important Lesson About Holes:
Now this all reminds me of a humorous story of the traveling salesman. Let's say that the taxpayer is a farmer and the government is a salesman. Well the farmer says "You can spend the night in my barn, but do me a favor, don't stick your willie into any of the three holes in the wall." Well in this case the salesman's willie represents the taxpayers money you understand. Well the government like the salesman can't help himself. Sticks his willie in the first hole, and it feels good. Sticks his willie in the second hole and it feels even better. Sticks his willie in the third hole and it hurts like hell and it won't let go! Well in the morning the farmer comes out and he explains "Behind the first hole was my wife. Behind the second hole was my daughter and behind the third hole was a milking machine that won't let go until it gets 50 gallons, ha, ha, ha!" GENTLEMEN I PROPOSE THAT THIS ARTS FUNDING IS LIKE A MILKING MACHINE AND UNLESS WE SHUT IT DOWN, IT'S GONNA RIP OUT DICKS RIGHT OFF!
That's, um, quite a digression. Thanks for the joke, though. :)